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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29578533">its so loud, down in the valley</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cvtqr/pseuds/cvtqr'>cvtqr</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Dead Marco Bott, Death, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan References</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:40:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,086</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29578533</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cvtqr/pseuds/cvtqr</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>'marco was gone. gone in this world, and he wasn't coming back. you had to learn to accept that fact. jean was the one here for you now, he always had been.'</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jean Kirstein/Reader, Marco Bott/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>its so loud, down in the valley</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>it was cold in the airship, wind blowing through the open door.</p><p>“YEAHHH!! I’D CALL THIS ONE A VICTORY!!” you heard floch and the others behind you screaming over only one slight win</p><p>you knew that the scouts may have one this battle, but not the war. they needed to get a hold of themselves. no one would know victory until-</p><p>your thoughts came to a halt as sasha and connie sandwiched you and jean between themselves.</p><p>“i’m glad the three of you are ok… i'm sorry if this makes me a bad person, but i care about you guys more than anyone else on this ship.” connie breathed out while leaning his head down onto your shoulder</p><p>“you guys are special”, sasha added</p><p>your fingers tangled with jeans as a rose blush spread across his cheeks. the four of you stayed in that position for longer than anticipated, just soaking in each other's warmth. after losing your fifth member, the four of you have been closer than ever. even if it was just one more time, the four of you had to be grateful it wasn't any of you splattered out onto the ground.</p><p>“alright, alright. you're hurting my shoulder.” spat out jean, brining you up from the floor</p><p>shifting up onto your tippy toes, you placed a sweet kiss onto jeans cheek, him returning it onto your lips.</p><p>“ ‘m glad you’re okay.” you whispered into his chest while pulling him into a hug.</p><p>he started softly stroking your hair before resting his chin on the top of your head.</p><p>“i love yo-”</p><p>“jeez get a room if you’re just gonna pull away from the rest of the group.” said connie, walking back over with a drink in his hand</p><p>“jesus connie, can’t you leave me and my relationship alone for a minute.”</p><p>you giggled, peeling out of jean’s grip. not letting go of his hand, you rested your head onto sasha’s shoulder.</p><p>“is there anything to eat, i’m starvingggg”</p><p>“sasha, wait until we get back onto the island.” connie shifted his attention from jean over to sasha.</p><p>“is there a moment when you’re <em>not</em> thinking of food?”</p><p>everyone listening in let out a laugh as sasha started screaming at connie.</p><p>a few minutes passed as everyone was still screaming over the slight victory. that was until you heard a small crash coming from the still open door of the air ship. your grip tightened around jeans hand.</p><p>“did you hear something just now?” your breath hitched as jean looked down to you</p><p>“hey! quiet down for a second guys!” jean yelled out</p><p>“is lobov still out?” connie questioned, taking a step next to you</p><p>“i thought he came in…” you questioned looking around</p><p>thats when everyone heard it. a loud thud. turned to face with a young girl, pointing a gun up. before you could think for even a second… you heard a loud bang, followed with a piercing pain in your lower stomach.</p><p>falling backwards down onto the ground, you felt your whole body give out and slam onto the wood flooring of the airship.</p><p>choking out a breath, you felt someone's hand lift your head off of the cold floor.</p><p>right before you saw the girl take another shot, a boy came crawling into the ship, pouncing on top of her.</p><p>it was so.... so loud. the screams of floch and the other scouts heading over to the children. the sounds of your friends screaming at you to stay with them… wait why were they yelling at you? you felt so… free for a moment. it was so confusing, you felt fine but couldn't move.</p><p>“Y/N… Y/N DON”T LEAVE ME PLEASE!”</p><p>
  <em>jean… why would i ever leave you? i couldn't and i would never. someone needed to explain what was happening, it was all becoming blurry as your eyelids got heavy. yeah… so heavy, a nap sounds great right now.</em>
</p><p>“CONNIE THEY’RE NOT BREATHING… GO GET SOMEONE’S HELP… THE CAPTAIN… ANYONE, PLEASE!”</p><p>
  <em>what does he mean… ‘i’m not breathing’ ?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>i'm perfectly fine. the wind is blowing in my face… the sky so clear above me. not a cloud in sight, only the sun shining down onto my face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>it’s so loud here. i hear screaming, but i don’t see anyone. wasn’t jean just with me a second ago? he should be here with me...</em>
</p><p>leaning up, your eyes were met with a clear lake, water flowing. the sound of the stream mixed with the small waterfall was enough to silence out the sounds of screaming. it was so peaceful here. </p><p>standing up, you walked over to the edge of the lake, brushing the grass off the newly fresh clothes on your body. leaning down, you looked into your reflection from the water. you looked so... clean. hair done nicely, not a speck of dirt on your skin. you wondered where jean was right now, you’d love for him to see you all pretty like this.</p><p>your thoughts trailed off until you heard the soft sound coming from wind chimes. looking back, you saw a small cottage. it looked so pretty, everything you could ever dream of. running over and getting a closer look, the better the cottage would get. plants surrounding it, vines flowing down from the roof.</p><p>man, you would kill to live in a place like this. running up onto the front porch, you were hesitant opening the door. this was too perfect. it had to be someone's home, right? lowering your hand from the door, you noticed a sticky note stuck to the side table holding a small succulent.</p><p>
  <em>y/n, invite yourself in please! :)</em>
</p><p>they knew you? you had no idea where you were, but somehow the person living here was allowing you to just walk into their space.</p><p>bringing your hand back up to the door knob, you turned it, slowly opening the door.</p><p>you were met with a small hallway, two doors on either side of you, and a tiny table just down the table.</p><p>dragging your hands onto the walls, you walked down the hallway. the closer you got to the table, the stronger the scent of something baking filled your nose. hmmm, banana bread maybe? whatever it was… it smelt amazing. definitely something you and sasha would enjoy together. - where was everybody?</p><p>for some reason, this house felt so… safe. you figured niccolo would be the one baking whatever you were smelling.</p><p>entering the room, you turned your head to be faced with a small, comfy kitchen. your eyes widened as you saw a tall figure in front of you, dark brown hair, opening the oven to pull out a loaf of freshly baked chocolate chip banana bread.</p><p>
  <em>it couldn't be… </em>
</p><p>the man turned himself around. you looked him up and down, a sweet outfit mixed with a strawberry apron, and to top it off… an angelic face with warm freckles lighting up his face.</p><p>“y/n! ...just in time!”</p><p>not wasting another second, you ran over to him, trapping him into a hug as tears started to form in the corners of your eyes.</p><p>“woaaahhh, missed me that much?” he giggled out</p><p>your only response was to hug him tighter, pushing him back into the countertop.</p><p>you took in his warm scent one more time, feeling his soft touch once again. holding his hands up to your chest, you were certain. this was definitely him. he felt the same, his presence was just as comforting as it was before he had to go.</p><p>
  <em>“mar-... marco!”</em>
</p><p>bringing his hands from your grip, they found their way back around your waist, pulling you in closer to him.</p><p>“i don't… don’t understand. how are we both here?”</p><p>he slipped off his apron, taking your hand into his.</p><p>“let’s have a little chat.”</p><p>he took your hand and guided you toward the back of the cottage. a small back door was opened, while he helped you down the step leading to the outdoors. he walked over guiding you to horse stables. opening one of the gates, he guided a beautiful tan horse out. hoping onto it, he reached his hand out to yours once more.</p><p>accepting it, you took his hand and pulled yourself up onto the horse. riding for a few minutes, he stopped at an even bigger lake from before. on the other side where the shore was, you could faintly see a group of four people outside running in the sand. three guys and a girl. they all looked so familiar… was that petra?</p><p>tightening your grip around marco, he brought the horse to a stop. he got off the horse before helping you down, bringing you over to a hill where you could perfectly see the sun setting.</p><p>he sat down, patting the spot next to him.</p><p>you took a seat and scooted your body closer to his.</p><p>“how’s jean?”</p><p>you let out a soft sigh, looking out into the sunset.</p><p>“jeans… jeans, perfect. i love him so much, really.”</p><p>“that’s good. i hope he’s taking care of you… he made me a promise after all.”</p><p>the two of you giggled, still looking out into the sky.</p><p>“sooo… what was the last thing you do remember, y/n?”</p><p>you looked down at the ground, trying to get your thoughts back together.</p><p>“we were on the airship, and this girl came tumbling in. she took one look in and- oh.”</p><p>“close your eyes, and listen very closely.”</p><p>you felt marcos hands over your ears, as you blocked out all of the other sound coming from the valley. it all started to faintly come back. you could hear everything, but you couldn't see a thing.</p><p>“Y/N WAKE UP, PLEASE. WE’RE ALMOST HOME NOW C’MON.”</p><p>
  <em>jeez they were so goddamn loud.</em>
</p><p>now it wasn’t only jean’s voice you heard yelling at you. you could make out the sounds coming from jean, mikasa, and armin. you could also hear the loud sobs of connie and sasha, just calling out your name.</p><p>you were already with marco, so why were they trying to hard to wake you up? you just wanted them to let you stay with marco, to stop being to loud.</p><p>the sound of the stream flowing began to fill your ears again, as you slowly reopened your eyes.</p><p>as you looked over to marco with worried eyes, he grabbed your hand, placing your fingertips on your neck, right under your jaw.</p><p>“feel that?”</p><p>calming down, you faintly felt a heart beat. is was barely coming in… but it was still there. marco then took your hand and placed it onto the same place on himself. looking down into your eyes, he nodded, closing his own. no heartbeat.</p><p>“you’re still alive, y/n.”</p><p>you closed you eyes, leaning your forehead onto marcos.</p><p>
  <em>“you need to go home.”</em>
</p><p>you felt the tears stream down your cheeks, just letting them roll down.</p><p>“don’t wanna.”</p><p>marco laughed at your stubbornness, squeezing your hand.</p><p>“you have too.”</p><p>you shook your head no, a streak of nos.</p><p>“this is my home, not that island. i’m home.”</p><p>“yeah…<em> you're home.”</em></p><p>“my home is with you… so why are you making me go back there?”</p><p>he pulled away from your face. taking his free hand, he wiped the tears falling from your eyes.</p><p>“sometimes… well sometimes we have to live somewhere that’s not at home. remember when i told you about my childhood? that house was not my home… no, just a house. but do you know when i found my home?”</p><p>you sniffled and opened your eyes, meeting his.</p><p>“when i met you, y/n. you and jean. living in that disgusting cabin during training… that was my home. it was temporary, but you and jean were the ones that made it my home. wherever the two of you move to, that’s my home.”</p><p>“so why’d you have to leave us so soon? …it’s not fair.”</p><p>you felt the tears coming down heavier than before as you turned your head away from his. you didn't want to look in his eyes anymore. getting up, you pulled himself from his grip and started to walk the opposit way.</p><p>“i hate you.” you choked out</p><p>“i hate you so much! its not fair! do you know how hard it’s been without you! and its all your fault le- , for leaving me-!”</p><p>you felt yourself get spun around, back into his arms. you cried, sobbed, let everything out. no one, not even jean has seen you like this. no… this was everything thats been bottled up ever since you found marco’s dead body on the side of the street. you needed to let this out, let it out to the person who’s caused all this pain.</p><p>“i’m sorry, <em>i’m so sorry, y/n.”</em></p><p>not having a response, you just continued to cry into his shirt, soaking it.</p><p>“you see? this is what happens when you lose someone… please, go back to jean. he needs you. it's not your time yet, that's why your heart is still beating. <em>pleaseee, y/n.</em> go back to him.”</p><p>peeling yourself from his shirt, you nodded.</p><p>“can you promise me one thing, marco?”</p><p>he placed his hand on your head, patting it gently.</p><p>“promise you’ll wait for me here?”</p><p>closing his eyes he let out a soft sigh, bringing your head back into his chest.</p><p>“of course. when your time is actually up, i'll be right here. waiting for you… and jean.”</p><p>you didn't want to leave yet. time could only tell when you’d be brought back here. this was where you belonged… but not for now at least.</p><p>walking back over to the horse, marco helped you back up. riding back to the cottage, you snuggled up into marco’s back.</p><p>
  <em>“i love you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“i love you too, y/n.”</em>
</p><p>he knew this would be the best time. marco knew you all too well. you came to your senses back at the lake, but you’d never be able to bring yourself away from this place. he had to give you a little push.</p><p>closing your eyes, you reopened them to the feel of a change in the environment. you weren’t riding on a horse with marco anymore, you were being carried by jean… who was running somewhere.</p><p>“jean” you mumbled out, so quiet it could only be heard by him</p><p>“Y/N!?”</p><p><em>again, so loud. </em>you tried closing your eyes again, hoping to be met with marco, but not this time. it was dark, cold, and empty. was <em>this</em> really it?</p><p>the sound of silence was replaced with the faint sound of rain crashing down onto the window. slightly opening your eyes, you were met with jean who was sitting across the room.</p><p>“y/n!” he ran over to the bed you were laying in, crashing his lips down onto yours.</p><p>you didn't know how long you've been out for. hours… days… it didn't matter. all that mattered to you at the moment was finding that little girl who shot you on the air ship. you weren't angry with her. no, not at all. you needed to thank her. you just wanted to hug her. a million thoughts crossed your mind as you zoned out. <em>does she have a home? maybe with the boy who stopped her from firing again? she must be so scared right now… right? </em></p><p>
  <em>maybe i could be her home. she probably needs someone right now. she let me see him again… i have to go thank her as soon as i get the chance!</em>
</p><p>that same night, you were released from the hospital. jean immediately dragged you back to your shared bedroom. he was so confused. <em>why were you so eager to see the girl who almost shot you to death?</em></p><p>as of right now, you knew jean wouldn't let you see her. you weren't even going to waste the energy to ask right now. you figured this would be a good time to talk about the two of you. what you were becoming, what all of these feelings meant.</p><p>“are you- scared of death?” you mumbled out into the pillow. jean paused for a moment before pulling you into his arms.</p><p>“enough with all this talk about death… seriously.”</p><p>“what's gonna happen to eren… those kids on the air ship-”</p><p>“drop it, y/n.” his tone changed from soft to more stern. not yelling, but getting his point across.</p><p>letting out a sigh, you closed your eyes into jean’s chest.</p><p>“let’s visit <em>him</em> tomorrow.”</p><p>knowing who you meant, jeans grip tightened around you. comforting you into his arms, letting you know that he was there for you. the talk you wish had happened didn't. why though? jean was surely the one you truly loved. even if past feelings were coming back up, marco was gone. gone in this world, and he wasn't coming back. you had to learn to accept that fact. jean was the one here for you now, he always had been since that tragic day.</p><p>the next morning you already had gotten up and dressed, wounds still sore. pulling your green scouts jacket on, you walked outside joining everyone at the graveyard that mourned the losses of fallen soldiers. finding jean, you pulled him away to your secluded area. it was your idea for a 104th cadet section in the newly formed graveyard. there may not have been anything buried underneath those gravestones, but their presence was definitely lurking.</p><p>kneeling in front of a certain grave, you let out a sigh. just by sitting there, you couldn't help the tears forming in the corners of your eyes.</p><p>“i miss him too, y/n.”</p><p>looking behind you, jean put his hand on your shoulder, also started to kneel down. you sunk down into your knee completely, hands covering your face as you cried into them.</p><p>“why does everybody have to leave me?”</p><p>jean’s eyes widened at this, pulling you closer into his arms.</p><p>“that’s not true, not true at all. i’m never going to leave you, i swear.”</p><p>he was being truthful. you knew deep in your heart jean would always be there for you, no matter what the case is. and you wanted him to be. your love for marco in that way way temporary, but your love for jean was forever. the two boys would always be the most important to you, over anyone else.</p><p>you anticipated the day you and jean could finally go home.</p>
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